Stolen Happiness

Like I said, my life begins at the sunset. My human form is just a shell, something to protect me from the sun and the curious looks of the people around me. So it’s nothing fancy and I don’t feel much connection with it really. But when I transform my body takes the shape that I adore. My pale skin and deep dark eyes, my bones so light that when I run my feet barely touch the ground. And my little pointy ears. So I put on my robes, equip my miracle sword and cast my spells. I breath the chilly air and I feel the energy, I hear the other nightlings come alive and see the bright moon watch over us with its purple eye. It’s the time when my friends start to gather, we greet each other and exchange protection spells; we show our new skills and meet the chosen ones who have joined us. For the outsider we appear to be idly walking around and not paying attention to what’s going on around us… but that is an underestimation. We have eyes in towns and ears in the hunting grounds, we have friends and allies and we are always alert. So when someone gets in trouble it all changes. Senses sharpened, weapons in hand we walk to battle with our heads held high and even if we lose we never give up. And that’s because of who we are but also because of our leader. He is the most amazing creature I have met (and I have seen all kinds) and there are moments when I am not sure he is even from this world. For he has skills and power that I cannot comprehend. Though he belongs to the same race as me, he has been trained by different masters so he controls the dark forces of the night and rides the winds, surrendering enemies to his magic. He sends out hurricanes and vortexes of pure evil, he runs like the tempest and he is always in front of us going to battlefield encouraging us when we feel weak and sharing our glory when we win. Our enemies fear the sole sound of his name and it fills them with hatred because their encounters are deadly. But there is a side of him that not many people see as it’s hidden behind the air of power and unquestionable demand of loyalty, the need to be faithful to your brothers until the day you die. He cannot allow himself to be weak, at least not in front of us. Only I know what he hides inside, only I see the moments of despair and doubt; self-accusations and sadness. No one can be strong always but if you have to lead, you are not one of us any more – you have to be stronger than the strongest and faster than the fastest. You have to see everything and hear everything; know things before they even happen and plan ahead and at the same time be caring and understanding and know when it’s time to show your steel and when it’s time to share the love you have for us. And for all of that he is, I love him more than I ever have loved anyone; I am willing to give my life for him and I follow him to the end of the world or to the deepest hell if that’s what he needs. I stand by him when he is happy and I stand there when he is desperate. I am always there if he needs someone to talk to and I am always loyal to him. No one has the right to hurt my angel. And it’s with him where I have my sweetest moments of being adored and with him I feel that I’m special. We cannot be together much and it’s the hardest thing for me, every time we say goodbye I feel like something is breaking inside me and I can only survive this by counting the hours when we can meet again. We cannot share our love with all our friends, for life is sometimes more complicated than we want; so we have to hide what we feel and sometimes it’s so painful to see him lying dead on the ground or being attacked by false accusations and just standing there not able to run to him and hold his body close to me or to speak up for him saying that I know that he can never do the things he is blamed for. Therefore the times when we are together are sacred, like an ice crystal glittering in the starlight – so beautiful and ever so lonely. It’s not like the usual bodily experience when your love is transferred to lust and desire, though certainly we have that, the sensation of melting into each other and moving in some universal rhythm that you can only feel not understand with your mind. But what we have is the unity of souls, the unique situation where you don’t have to speak any more to say something to each other… the closeness where you can stay quiet for hours just breathing in synchronized pace, or you can talk about everything and you know exactly where and how deep you can go. You share everything and yet you keep your personalities and instead of giving in to the one who is stronger, you unite them together and create something wonderful. So that is why I devote myself to making him happy; that is why his sweet smile fills my heart with sunshine and his touch is like an electric charge through my body.
But the sun is coming up so I have to close this chapter and hurry to my hideaway, dreaming of my sweetheart and sharing my feelings with this diary…