S-grade

Yes, it's finally here - I am 76! Took me a while to reach there, but the sweeter it feels now.

Very soon the quest is done and I will have my little blue tag, from now on it's Saint Irijs :)

All this grinding has once more shown me this very important feature of this game - you have to have friends to achieve something. And I'm happy to say I have been blessed with a bunch of them. After being pretty much on my own for a while it feels so great to hear someone say in clan chat that we are going to that certain spot because I need my level or having people put up with lousy XP just for a quest - thank you guys, I owe you big time. I think I can safely say that I have found myself a home again - a clan of really nice people, decent leveling and sufficient amount of PvP (and yes I know I suck at it - trying to work on that one). Lot of funny talking going on in Vent and chat, strong support for each other and a common goal. I wasn't fully sure about joining for a while, have been in small and peaceful ones lately and was afraid of the change - but fortunately I have friends who won't let me be a loner and bugged me long enough to make me decide. Love you for that. Forgive me for being a carebear sometimes, and I know it's hard to put up with me when the bitch hits the fan - but regardless of what I say and do (or leave undone) I care for you a lot and I wanna do my best to help us grow and get stronger. We rule :)

Virtual Reality

Some of my non-gamer friend once defined online RPGs as "dating portals with an advanced interface" and sometimes I think he was not so wrong after all. Fantasy world communities do have all the qualities of a real world meeting (/mating) place just without the final possibility of physical contact (unless you take the relationship out of game of course) which tends to make it way more relaxed and the ties much more loose. Committing yourself to someone in real world means a lot of other things to follow but in a game it can be just role-play and therefore no strings attached. Virtual friends can be unplugged when you get tired of them or they don't behave like you want them to; when you feel that you need some company you can just log on and there's always someone to talk to.
It's like in childhood - most of us had imaginary friends back then - when all the world was against us they came to offer a shoulder to cry on. They were always ready for an adventure and never refused their help. And they were only ours, no one else had the right to know them. The only difference is that modern imaginary friends are in fact real people - yes they can pretend to be someone else but we choose them by the qualities we like in them and if the role they act out matches ours we don't care that it's all just a fairy tale or even a big fat lie. But real people have real lives too somewhere and that always has an influence on their virtual lives (or it should have at least not the other way) - so we don't really know where and how they spend the time they are offline. And once we have accepted them as our friends we tend to think they belong to us. Or that they exist because we want them to.
So from one hand a virtual relationship needs much more contribution than a real life one - in real you can just give a call to a friend to say that you care, get together for a drink or just be there with each other doing nothing. Fantasy friends cannot have that - when you have logged off you are gone. And they never know if you will return. But then again they can start consuming more of your time than real people - since you met in that game world you must have at least one thing in common and usually you have more. So it can become a more rewarding relationship than the ones you have in real - sharing same interests and having fun together gets people very close. Besides, when you feel bad you stay out so they hardly ever see your down sides. Because of the anonymity of the web they can be much more open in talking about personal things so the connection that you have can be a lot stronger and make you feel that you have known this person for a long time. And sometimes it's better to keep it that way and not try to bring it out to the real world.
Unfortunately that is something that I cannot handle yet - if I get close to someone in a virtual world I want to meet the real person behind the screen, either to gain a friend or to see that we don't have anything in common. But I have to know.
Speaking of feelings in cyberspace - that's tricky. It's so easy to fall in love with an image, a projection of all the qualities you like in a person. And acting out romance is fun and in a healthy role-play it only adds to the joy of it; just as long as it pleases both sides. Starting to demand commitment and vows of loyalty might get things moving in a wrong direction. Regardless of all it's still a game and putting real things at stake for it is not right I think. We have to draw a line somehwhere and if we can't then let others do it for us and get a reality check as to what is important and where the priorities lie.
I guess I have been lucky, of course I have got my fingers burned a couple of times and made a bad desicion but in general it has been a great time for me so far and I sure hope it goes on like this. I have met amazing people and made some real good friends, connections that have moved outside game and have a life of their own now. Had my share of being a drama queen - even that can be refreshing if you don't do it in real world :)
So I will continue my adventures and hopefully find a lot more to discover...

Kinderstube of Democracy

Unfortunately had to leave Aden behind for a while... Real life kicked in, and not exactly in a way you would want to... Considering that I'm from a country with relatively young democracy (I'd stay it has learned to read and write if we compare it with the stages in human life), I think I can be a bit derailed in the light of last days' events. And I guess even in places with history in freedom of speech and all that it is kind of discouraging to see your home town vandalized by people so young they hardly ever can have a political opinion.
Makes you think of the power of mass psychosis again - and the similarity of humans (var. Sapiens...) to a pack of hyenas. Nothing to do with showing your protest when you break shop windows and drag out designer jeans - trying to make a stand against Armani?!
The other thing that comes to mind next morning - time heals all. Only couple of hours ago the place was a living hell of burning fires, rocks flying in the air, shouting in different languages and the concentration of anger so high you could feel the adrenaline running and have to fight the urge to get down on all fours and howl with the wolves. With the sunrise everything has changed - shattered glass has been removed, streets have been washed and bodies counted; traffic is taking its usual routine and kids worry about final exams and boyfriends. Tourists have coffee in old town cafeterias, not even noticing the missing windows of a nearby liquor store, of course they won't since things like that are daily stuff in their countries - so what's all the fuss about... And well, life does go on. Just never again will we watch CNN with the same indifferency as before, thinking "the spoiled brats who have nothing to do so they start a riot". We have crossed the news margin and stepped to the big boys' playground.
Time to bury those petty feuds and unite against a common enemy and I don't mean to retaliate in the same manner but everyone just stop and think for a moment where the priorities are and how fragile the balance is. This also should once again prove the vital importance of being informed and educated - knowing that every cause has its effect and everything you do has its impact on a lot of others would maybe prevent from outright stupidity. Like the PM said - not a wise desicion to start your adult life with a 5-year prison sentence.
And as lame as it may sound - tell me who your friends are and I tell who you are. In that age we get far more influence for our role models among ourselves, not unfortunately the ones posed by society - olympic champions, successful enterpreneurs, Medecins Sans Frontieres... Assuming ratemydick.com gets more clicks than bbc.co.uk/history - and that is nothing suprising, just sometimes maybe we ought to sit down and reassess our goals.
Idle hands are Devil's tools, just don't forget that.

Realm of the Down Under

Pagan's Temple

Tip of the Day

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison.The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:

"Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison. Love, Dad"

Shortly, the old man received this telegram:
"For Heaven's sake Dad, don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!!"

At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local policeofficers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asked him what to do next.
His son's reply was:
"Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do for you from here."

Moral:
No matter where you are in the world, if you have decided to do something deep from your heart you can do it. It is the thought that matters not where you are or where the person is.

Valentine's Day

Scroll of escape to my love...

Stolen Happiness

Like I said, my life begins at the sunset. My human form is just a shell, something to protect me from the sun and the curious looks of the people around me. So it’s nothing fancy and I don’t feel much connection with it really. But when I transform my body takes the shape that I adore. My pale skin and deep dark eyes, my bones so light that when I run my feet barely touch the ground. And my little pointy ears. So I put on my robes, equip my miracle sword and cast my spells. I breath the chilly air and I feel the energy, I hear the other nightlings come alive and see the bright moon watch over us with its purple eye. It’s the time when my friends start to gather, we greet each other and exchange protection spells; we show our new skills and meet the chosen ones who have joined us. For the outsider we appear to be idly walking around and not paying attention to what’s going on around us… but that is an underestimation. We have eyes in towns and ears in the hunting grounds, we have friends and allies and we are always alert. So when someone gets in trouble it all changes. Senses sharpened, weapons in hand we walk to battle with our heads held high and even if we lose we never give up. And that’s because of who we are but also because of our leader. He is the most amazing creature I have met (and I have seen all kinds) and there are moments when I am not sure he is even from this world. For he has skills and power that I cannot comprehend. Though he belongs to the same race as me, he has been trained by different masters so he controls the dark forces of the night and rides the winds, surrendering enemies to his magic. He sends out hurricanes and vortexes of pure evil, he runs like the tempest and he is always in front of us going to battlefield encouraging us when we feel weak and sharing our glory when we win. Our enemies fear the sole sound of his name and it fills them with hatred because their encounters are deadly. But there is a side of him that not many people see as it’s hidden behind the air of power and unquestionable demand of loyalty, the need to be faithful to your brothers until the day you die. He cannot allow himself to be weak, at least not in front of us. Only I know what he hides inside, only I see the moments of despair and doubt; self-accusations and sadness. No one can be strong always but if you have to lead, you are not one of us any more – you have to be stronger than the strongest and faster than the fastest. You have to see everything and hear everything; know things before they even happen and plan ahead and at the same time be caring and understanding and know when it’s time to show your steel and when it’s time to share the love you have for us. And for all of that he is, I love him more than I ever have loved anyone; I am willing to give my life for him and I follow him to the end of the world or to the deepest hell if that’s what he needs. I stand by him when he is happy and I stand there when he is desperate. I am always there if he needs someone to talk to and I am always loyal to him. No one has the right to hurt my angel. And it’s with him where I have my sweetest moments of being adored and with him I feel that I’m special. We cannot be together much and it’s the hardest thing for me, every time we say goodbye I feel like something is breaking inside me and I can only survive this by counting the hours when we can meet again. We cannot share our love with all our friends, for life is sometimes more complicated than we want; so we have to hide what we feel and sometimes it’s so painful to see him lying dead on the ground or being attacked by false accusations and just standing there not able to run to him and hold his body close to me or to speak up for him saying that I know that he can never do the things he is blamed for. Therefore the times when we are together are sacred, like an ice crystal glittering in the starlight – so beautiful and ever so lonely. It’s not like the usual bodily experience when your love is transferred to lust and desire, though certainly we have that, the sensation of melting into each other and moving in some universal rhythm that you can only feel not understand with your mind. But what we have is the unity of souls, the unique situation where you don’t have to speak any more to say something to each other… the closeness where you can stay quiet for hours just breathing in synchronized pace, or you can talk about everything and you know exactly where and how deep you can go. You share everything and yet you keep your personalities and instead of giving in to the one who is stronger, you unite them together and create something wonderful. So that is why I devote myself to making him happy; that is why his sweet smile fills my heart with sunshine and his touch is like an electric charge through my body.
But the sun is coming up so I have to close this chapter and hurry to my hideaway, dreaming of my sweetheart and sharing my feelings with this diary…